Monday, July 10, 2006
Tmr shall be an important day to mii. Well, it really depends on a few factors now. No matter what happens i shall be okay.
I'm trying so hard to change juz for you. Yet each time i try, it's either you don't seem to notice it, or you don't even give me a sign. It's really demoralising when it doesn't even seem to make a difference. So each time i try and you don't appreciate the effort, i feel that what i am doing is useless and revert back to my older way cause i think it is what you prefer. I'm sure that you know people don't usually tell the person if they're putting in effort or doing something nice to please them till they feel as though what they did has gone down the drain fer nothing. Like today, i waited. But it doesn't even make the slightest of difference from my point of view. It may or may not please you, but you never tell me so i'll never know. Well, to you, it might have but if you don't express yourself or even smile, i might think you find me irritating or worse still, stalking you. I won't want that to happen. So you see the problem i face? I will never be what you hope i'll be useless you tell me what's right and what's wrong.Till i get a better understanding i will need your guidance I'm really really trying my best now. From that day till now i have absolutely no idea if it changed anything. Sigh. I don't leave stuff to the last min, especially this kinda stuff. I was juz hoping that you'd care. You'd care enough to see that what i did was planned out, not a last minute thing but something i hoped you would appreciate. The reason i don't tell you so is because i dun wanna make you feel obligated to do so in return. I never told you what i sacrificed because i'm afraid that you'll feel as though you owe a favour or anithing. You don't seem to notice any of these....and i guess i shall never know if you ever did.
Tmr, i myself have my promises to keep.
The conclusion of my thinking
will affect the way i think and act.
There will be someone there to guide me
but i know i must be committed for it to happen.
I'll have to live wif what i choose.
I pray that i make seek peace in the Lord
for whichever deicision i make.
posted at 9:05 PM
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